As a certified sex therapist, the thing I hear most from my clients is “our sex life isn’t what it used to be”; or “we’re just not having enough sex.” Aside from infidelity and medical issues, my follow-up question is “how is the communication and intimacy in the relationship?”; which then becomes the elephant in the room.
Often, people identify intimacy as sex. It’s not wrong of course, but what some don’t consider is that intimacy is so much more than just sex. My personal definition of intimacy is simply spending quality time with your partner with the intent of showing your love for them. This can range from making love; to cooking together; to spending time catching up on your day/week with your partner. This comes down to communication, touch, quality time, words of affirmation, and even helping your partner when you know they’ve had a long and hard day. You might notice I hit on the love languages there, and it’s very helpful to know yours and your partner’s love language. Overall, intimacy boils down to intentionally making time to spend with your partner, enjoying that time, and making sure your partner feels loved. The more time you devote to maintaining intimacy in the relationship, the less time you’ll spend attempting to fix the issue later.